Part Four: Present Day - The Rise

A four-part series detailing the life-altering experience of a boy who, at the ages of 10, 13, and 19, faced three traumatic events that would shape his success [and failure] for years to come.

Well, we made it!

For those reading this for the first time, links to part 1-3 are below 👇🏼

Part One: Age 10 - The Tornado
Part Two: Age 13 - The Accident
Part Three: Age 19 - The Sound

It probably goes without saying, but part three was tough to write, and I'm sure it was an equally challenging read for you. One of the goals I had for writing the series was to provide space for reflection and discussion should anyone want to learn or share their story.

Because we never really know what others are (or will) be going through, I would encourage you to share this four-part series with your friends and family.

I also want to provide a place for further discussion, so if you add the Substack app, you will gain access to an “ask me anything” private discussion thread. The thread will open Nov 5th.

To gain access to the discussion you can add the app here 👇🏼

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Okay, now that you’ve shared ISYN and downloaded the app, are you ready to read part four?

Without further ado, I present to you the final instalment. I hope you enjoy.

Part Four: Present Day

The path that led me to write, Never Shared: An Untold Life has been an interesting one. For the last three decades, I took the approach that sharing any detail of these events would only serve to expose the people around me to more pain. I don't wish anyone to go through what I did, so by not sharing the facts, they [and me] could avoid unnecessarily adding to the trauma.

Although it seemed logical to me at the time, this approach doesn't provide protection; it only creates uncertainty. Those close to me were left to wonder, and didn't know if the topic was off-limits or if it was something they could inquire about.

The main problem for me [and I imagine for others in this unenviable position] is that reaching the point of opening up and sharing; needs to feel natural and right.

Don't get me wrong, sharing will always feel uncomfortable to some degree, and there is no roadmap for how to approach it, but you will know when that right time arrives.

A few years ago, around 2018, I started feeling a disconnection from what some would call "their purpose." Up to this point in my life, I always felt my "purpose" was to provide for my family through;

• personal accomplishments

• pushing myself to the next level

• and sometimes proving others wrong. 

However, as time passes, the lines between "what's good for me is good for my family" get blurry. 

As a result, understanding which of my behaviours were natural characteristics and which were a product of traumatic experiences proved challenging. I use the word "challenging" because being honest with myself and taking the time to understand where I have room for compromise and where I fundamentally don't is a marriage requirement. 

For example, I hate wasting time on what I view as insignificant things in life. Moreover, spending energy debating outcomes rather than the actions that influence the outcome is particularly irritating to me.

Now the question I would pose is, are these characteristics hardwired from birth or have I evolved into them through my experience?

I distinguish between hardwired and lived experience because although we can't "un-live" our experience, we can recreate it to produce a different outcome.

For instance, you will find no professional family photos of Nicole, Kinsley, Carson, and me because I refused to do them. For most of the timeline shared in parts one to three of this series, each devastating event seemed to correlate with a family photoshoot. I suspect many people would consider themselves lucky to have captured a moment with a lost loved one. On the other hand, I view this as cause and effect and don't want to trigger another traumatic event. I understand this view is not rational, and for someone who prides himself on being a logical thinker, there are moments like this when my logic ceases to exist.

Family Photo 1989 (Walter, Joel, Ryan, Shelley)

Lately, I have questioned my characteristics' fairness to my wife and children. This inevitably leads me to more questions then answers.

Still, I'm growing more comfortable that if I don't invite my family into the conversation, there is little chance I will ever find the answer.

At the end of the day, it won't be about fairness. It will be more about what we as people are willing to accept and whether we have been given enough truth and authenticity to make that determination.

When I take a moment and look back, this process of self-reflection started several years ago. My career was growing, I completed my MBA, moved our family to Calgary, and found myself responsible for more people and profits as each year passed. I can attest that making these strides requires a persistent connection to a set of core values. I can also attest that unless time is carved out to dive deeper into "the why" behind those values, your "purpose" will be compromised.   

For those that know me, I'm loyal until you give me a reason not to be. Mainly because "time" is my ultimate driver, and if I'm investing in you, I expect the same in return.

Not to be confused with scorekeeping or needing affirmation, but rather when the chips are down, will you battle on the frontline with me or selfishly retreat?

In the physical sense, some say I'm either 100% on or completely turned off, though you would see a different story if my mind was on display.

My brain runs all the time. 

As I age, this becomes a more demanding challenge because I don't carve out the same amount of physical activity I used to when I was younger. For most of my youth, I was 24/7 on a team(s) or playing a sport year-round. It wasn’t until I reached my twenties that I learned how this high volume of activity was essential to my mental health.

Intuition has always been a big part of my life, and it’s something I use, trust, and rely on regularly. So in 2021, when I felt like I was not in a place to be my best self, I followed that feeling and embraced what my intuition was signaling.

At the time, I was tasked with turning around a significantly damaged corporate culture while, in parallel, unwinding the poor financial performance of the business.

Decisions from previous and, in some cases, current leadership were toxic and leading this rehabilitation was taking a toll on me. Thousands of employees and hundreds of millions in revenue were under my supervision during several economic "black swan" events. I don't have an exact number on this, but during the stretch from 2015 to 2020, I had to let three go for every person I hired. Addin the challenge of keeping everyone happy and safe during COVID, I now had one more black swan event to conquer. During this crazy time, I had to defend our employees' welfare with the corporate pressure of keeping multi-million dollar projects going. This balancing act was not sustainable. Eventually, my time was solely dedicated to human resources, economic shutdowns, and competing ethical priorities.

Even with my intuition telling me I needed to make a change, now was not the time. Instead, I dug in, summoned the best version of myself I could find, and got to work trying to plan our way out of the mess. I started by inviting experts to assist our people and their families with mental health, substance abuse, sleep, and anxiety. Our people were tired and confused, which started to show up in our safe work practices and near-miss accidents. I decided we needed a change to the cadence and flow of the workday. To turn the negative trend around, we started providing more breaks, reintroduced our health & wellness program, and altered employee benefits to include an extra $2,000 in family counselling and professional support.

I knew it was the right thing to do in my heart, and of all the wonderful moments in my career, this is the one I am most proud of.

Then my Baba passed away. 

She was my second mother; she was the person who was there for me from day one and has been there for me each and every day since.

COVID restricted the funeral, and only ten of us could attend the outdoor ceremony held at the grave site. I drove to Sherwood Park from Calgary that morning and couldn't help but think that HWY 2 was the same road travelled when I learned my mother had died. Thirty years later and the only difference this time around was that I was driving (Sorry Barry, I got this 😉).

Despite the less than ideal circumstances, the ten of us allowed to attend celebrated 89 years of Adeline Woloshynuik's life. We stood outside in the snow, six feet apart and in a semicircle around her casket. I couldn't help but think she deserved more. As Adeline’s life story proves, she endured unimaginable hardships, so I knew she would be okay with throwing a bigger celebration once restrictions lifted. If this video on her 76th birthday is any indication, she’s not afraid of a party! 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼